gwengwen

Have you ever had that feeling where you feel crappy for days at end for no rhyme or reason? That you're so pent up inside that you want to let it all out, only to realise, what's there to let out? I just want to drink. Just want to party a little. Scream a little and let loose. I need my dose of emo songs. Broken hearts and torn up letters.

Just came back home from a very active week. I can't even feel my limbs right now. Started off with dodgeball on wed and thurs. It was fun dodging balls but not fun when you get smacked right in the boobs. Spent the next two days feeling achy all over especially from waist down. Then on sat, had our city venture. Exercised to the max. Running around singapore in our bagpacks and doing all sorts of stupid things. It was fun no doubt. Like having to stuff marshmallows in your mouth and trying to sing a song for your group mates to guess and doing maths sums under pressure and the list goes on. And after two days of racing, I'm just SHAGGED. Woke up this morning to really bad cramps. My face just turned pale and my hands cold and I literally just head dived into my mom's bed. Hate the feeling. Was literally struggling to get out to get some panadols to save me from my bloody misery. Grah.

Shall be meeting dear jo soon. Gotta start mugging!

It's been a tiring, fun, eventful and frustrating week(s).  Haven't been able to blog because I plugged my wire wrongly and was deprived of my life here.  Okay so the last I remembered was resting for an entire week from tuition.  Then went for this halloween event at some ulu place in the west with some of the OG peeps.  Quite fun actually despite the wet weather.  We had like an outdoor and indoor walk and my poor aldo pumps was subjected to the harsh conditions of the nature that I had to let it sit by my doorsteps ever since then.  Before that, bought our halloween props and were pretty much ready to do a little something but ended up we were all dead beat by 3am so we just left early. 

Painters came over on saturday.  And I got my pink walls.  I hope phy wouldn't mind setting foot into my room>.< Then on sunday, astons, movies, Coraline and My sister's keeper.  And basketball.  We broke our record again and it's currently 766.  No easy feat seriously.  I was like in tubetop and three inch heels! Anyways, Coraline was good.  Graphics were great.  The Sister's keeper, certain parts were a little too slow moving but overall I cried throughout. 

So for the last few days, because I couldn't satiate my hunger for the net, I had to make do with making love to century old old men like Karl Marx and Auguste Comte, Spencer and Parsons.  But as expected, too old.  I couldn't an orgasm.  Occasionally I thought I got it only to realise that no I know nuts.  Can't find the light.  It's like Weber's theory of the iron cage.  I can't think out of the box.  It's hard to keep reminding oneself to not absorb every theory like a freaking sponge but gosh it's hard. 

This morning, weary as I was. I welcomed the first man into my room.  He gave me back my internet which brighten up my morning a little bit because it was freaking 8,30am and I had gone to bed like only four hours ago.  And then I welcomed two more men in the later morning.  They gave me my bed and shelf and table.  It made my room looked different.  I'm sorry my words sound so wrong.  I've been socialised wrongly. 

Tuition today with the first kid was frustrating.  I hated the constant cigarette smoke and my patience just wore thin with this boy.  He couldn't pronounce THERE despite having me reciting it to him repeatedly and having him to repeat himself.  I wished I could jump down the building.  Then went off for the next tuition.  I think I stayed there for like 2hrs 15mins because the mom offered me a burger and then tried to keep me there for dinner. 
And now I'm here blogging to keep my mind functioning.  Have a hell load of packing to do.  Should get started now.  Photos of before and after SOON. 
Upcoming events this week: Massive cookout on sunday.  Grocery shopping on friday.  Excited. 

Happened to be at home... Decided to catch Singapore Idols.  The things I don't quite get about judges.  When you perform every week in the same way you always deliver your songs, they say they want to see a different side of you.  When you change your way of performing in one week, they say what happened to you? I prefer the usual you.  Don't try to be something that you're not.  The irony? But Gurmit's like the nice, encouraging host.  He tries his best to give a good comment even after all the judges give the contestant a negative feedback. 

That said, I'm sick.  Spent the whole day at home... My head just keeps spinning until I can't even study.  Can't even sit for long so I just end up sleeping all day long. 

Crappy.  blehx.

Oh god.  Pretty exhausted today.  Body's failing me lately... Kinda on the verge of being ill.  Either I caught it from sweets or I caught it from my kid and passed it to him.  Today, was supposed to be mugging hard for POA.  Ended up mom wanted me to get my furnitures so headed over to Ikea with her.  Bought all my furnitures, even have to pick them up by ourselves and dragged it all the way to the counter to pay off and move it to the delivery counter.  When we reached there, horrors of all horrors, they do delivery within 3 days and after 3days they charge you 5 bucks per trolley! So because painting only starts this weekend until next weekend, we would by right have to store our buys for nearly 2 weeks which is like 14 x 5? Do the maths, so not worth giving them free money.  End up, we refunded the goods on the spot, which means my afternoon was wasted when I could have actually studied something and that I have to go back there 2 weeks later to pick up all the furnitures again. 

Com is finally fixed.  So now internet on all three computers in the house.  Damn awesome.  Shall go bathe and get cracking with dearest POA. 

The day's been peaceful.  Taught a new kid.  Didn't like it because there were way too many smokers in there.  I was like inhaling second hand smoke for the whole 1.5 hours.  Fucking hell hate smokers.  Took half the pay and treated mom to dinner.  Bought a new dress as well.  Wonder why these days everywhere I go I see the mud on the ground rising.  Hate.

Painters coming next week.  I hope I can get my furniture by the following week.  Loads of stuff to do.  Damn busy.  

I realised that I went through a lot of drama this year.  Before school started, work sucked so badly that we went head on with the fucked up authorities.  And then my life just got into a crappier state after the jaw op.  The only good thing that happened was probably me getting rid of all the negative shit in my life because they do me no good.  Of no use to me.  Make me feel like shit and make me feel stupid.  Least after getting out of that whole fucked up environment in the Fish Tank and snipping off all the Weeds tangled around me, I'm finally seeing the light. 

I swear my uni days are gonna be the best days of my life.  The people there are nice, I'm getting along fine with my OG and most importantly, baby's been the best thing ever.  On top of that, I've been getting my weekly dose of jo's sweetness.  You two really are the stone hard pillars in my life at this point.  When shit happens, I always turn to you two.  Because no matter what, I know I'll never be judged by the both of you=)

Oh and possibly the other good thing that happened this year is my newly aligned jaw.  Hah.

Met up with clara for dinner tonight.  We ate at this jap restaurant at ION orchard.  The food was really awesome! It's like you put it in your mouth and you haven't even sink your teeth into it, you can already taste the goodness of it.  Damn shiok.  I miss this woman seriously.  Always MIA on me.  Went shopping with her thereafter.  Josie saw us.  He shouted my name in the middle of the mall and left-.- I actually thought I heard wrongly.  Went to meet dearest after that for some make me feel better therapy.  I've had a long day but seeing you just makes me feel safe.  That no matter what happens, I don't have to be afraid because you'll always be behind me. 

We don't need shit people in our lives to make us feel like shit.  In life, we all have choices.  If these people want to bring you down, it's your own choice to free yourself from them.  Getting upset with them would mean their goal have been achieved.  But from today onwards, I shan't let thrash bring me down.  What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.  And I'm not alone.  Tomorrow shall be a better day. 

Goodbye for good.  I'm leaving this shit to achieve better things in life. 

Oh wow... So now I should be glad that you sent me that email? Because it's my HONOUR that you appreciate me? Er ok.  Thank you.  And you still want to be my friend in email and in hp? Virtual friend ar? Sorry.  I don't entertain virtual friends. 

I'm losing the art of giving good advice.  I've been so self-absorbed over the last few years that I completely stop listening and just can't stop talking about me, myself, and I.  My life, my pet, my school, my work and whatever shit that relates to just me.  So much so that when I suddenly try to be a real friend, I find myself struggling real badly to give my miserable two cents worth of thoughts which usually amounts to nothing more than just bullshit. 

Die gwen die.  You're so darn shallow.

But thank god for friends that never fail to be there for me no matter how shit a person I am. 

I just had the most traumatising experience just now at the usual prata placeTT_TT Was happily chitchatting with jo when I felt something flew onto my hair and it was of a significant weight... And before I could ask jo what was it, her expression changed.  Turned out to be cockroach... Was like flinging my hair like some crazy ass and in the end had to fling off my two hairbands... It was fucking big and all my dear friend could say was "Okay la... At least the cockroach looks clean".  Gross TO THE MAX.  Best of all, come back home go toilet, come out, got one small cockroach waiting for me at the door... Seriously.  Good things don't come in pairs but bad things just keep coming.  I'll never go back there again.

T_T

The other day I had the longest day ever.  Started off with 3 hours of sleep.  Then travelling from home to clementi for school.  Surviving two three hour lectures.  Then going over to jurong point to shop for children day gifts.  Followed by a disgusting TWO HOUR bus ride from boon lay to eunos.  Then one half hour of tuition at bedok and another train ride back to clementi because I left behind my file.  And then another hour journey back to tampines to meet dearest jo for supper.  Try travelling from one end of singapore to the other four times in a day.  No joke seriously. 

Today, started the day with treats for myself.  Went shopping and I finally bought my ultimate cute skirt which I've been eyeing on since july.  Told jo the other time that if I came back next month and it's still there then I'd buy it.  But well, I came back three months later and it's still there so I was fated to buy it=D Bought an entire series of retrolicious paper too.  Very old school and super cute.  Can't wait to use them seriously.

Started my tuition with another new kid today.  P2 boy.  He talks in such a cute way I couldn't help it but to decide to buy him a children's day present too.  Very obedient and quiet too.  Way easier to handle.  Did like every single thing about english with him and he just obediently does it for me.  One of the cloze passage he did was super funny though. 

I dislike going to the doctor.  He puts his icy cold THROAT against my chest.  Sticks an ice cream stick down my LOLLIPOP.  And gave me a STETHOSCOPE for my good behaviour. 

I was trying hard not to laugh at his mistake.  Wonder if all primary school teachers feel the same way when they mark their kids' scripts. 

Am starting to get the hang of teaching.  Motivated by money.  Feels good to have extra income. 

Hope mom is generous enough with my furniture.  Have decided to paint my room candy pink.  And hoping to change the bed, a new tv console and a brand new shelving unit. 

Been playing maple as well.  Hooked onto private server.  Awesome sweetness.
 

One more day.

Whiteout was a complete wipeout.  I fell asleep for the last 3 mins of the show.  Kate beckinsale was still as hot but the plot just wasn't as good as I expected it to be. 

Spent like 5 bucks at the arcade just now with my friend playing that basketball game.  Damn fun.  Play until we were on the last dollar, trying desperately to beat our own record of 600 points and just when I thought we're not gonna make it, we hit jackpot.  I literally jumped for joy.  Damn cheap thrills but fun haha.  Dinner at sunshine plaza... Whacked my favourite wanton mee.  Shiokness to the max.

Last night, rebel-ed with Jo and twinnie.  It was jam packed and I was cash strapped so I drank so little that I couldn't get high=( I'm too lazy for details.  Technology makes people lazy.  Want to know the story, view fb.

Alrighty.  Back to commenting.

sighs- I guess Nike Human Race and me is just not meant to be=( Two years back when I signed up for it along with some of the SR peeps, my registration got screwed somewhere along the way and ended up I couldn't go.  This year, I wanted to sign up, mom decided to be anal and didn't help me... So now, with money in my bank account, ready to register, guess what? Registration close.  I'm so going to sit in one corner and mope about my bad luck=(

Maybe it's just due to the fact that I'm tired.  I'm feeling cranky.  People are irritating the shit out of me.  On top of that, workload is seriously piling.  I spent literally the entire afternoon sitting in the library wrecking my brains with maths.  It was A levels all over again.  And the frustrations just keep mounting on when you've done literally a page full of workings only to know that your answer is wrong and you have no god damn clue what went wrong exactly.  I suddenly miss guanyin very very much.  POA is starting to get tricky.  Econs is still as shitty as ever.  I'll never be able to walk out of my own shadow.  The fear of failing econs AGAIN, and repeating it AGAIN next year is quite daunting.  On top of that, there's socio which is oh so supposed to be easiest but I'm putting it off because the text is freaking long and boring and I have to finish the rest of my assignments. 

Please kill me please kill me please kill me. 

I need to go meditate in my own cave.

sighs-

So on monday I had tuition with one of my kids.  We had a rather funny conversation involving a pimple on my neck. 

Girl: *points at my pimple* what's that?
Me: it's a pimple
Girl: what's a pimple?
Me: it's something you'll get when you're older
Girl: *looks at me all confused.* but you're not old what...
Me: But I'm older than you.
Girl: Is it nice?
Me: pimple where got nice one???
Girl: *takes my hair and wrap it around my neck* then cover la.. so cannot see you old.

I nearly burst out laughing.  Damn cute seriously.  My dear girl. 


I still stand by my point.  It's absolutely bulls.  Self-delusional and hypocritical.  

What's the point of making amendments later on knowing that what you've committed is wrong in the first place? It's like saying I've killed someone but that's fine because before I die, I'll pray and seek forgiveness and all is well and I shall go to heaven.

A complete mockery. 

Oh yea.  I've got a crush.  Because as long as I got eyes, I'll have a sight for you.  No wait, I've got crushes.  Like Eric Bana, Tatum channing, Wentworth Miller for a start.  As long as they are bald, tall, muscular, squared-jaw, I like them all.  How's that for a crush?

Mom's being fucking anal.

All your god damn fault.  Because of you,

Was wondering, if right now it's the fasting month for the muslims and they fast to clense themselves from the sins... Does that mean they can't smoke during the time that they don't eat as well? Because if they don't then isn't there a double standard already?

Watching edward scissorhand.  He gave me nightmares when I saw him on tv when I was just three.  And now I'm facing my nightmare.  Hurr.

I'm sorry I have a strong sense of self-identity and I fucking hate uniformity when I'm not in school. 

Pissed off to the fucking max.