gwengwen

I honestly feel inadequate being an English teacher.  Teaching my kid how to pepper his english essay with descriptive words and phrases is no easy feat.  Half the time I'm quietly flipping to the back of the page with all the meanings of the phrases to check because I have never seen those words in my entire life! I mean I barely scrapped through primary school with my pathetic list of phrases like "It is a bright and cheery Sunday afternoon." That's as far as I went in terms of writing essays in primary school.  And now I'm teaching my kid to stock up on his word bank to constantly dish out "combo" phrases at his teachers to stay ahead in his class.  So while he was doing his assignment, I took the liberty to jot down a few phrases relating to food and attempted to come up with a little paragraph relating my day.  It's quite funny because I'm just not used to reading such essays anymore...

Combo hit #1

The sky was a flood of cheery sunshine with  a few fluffy white clouds.  I woke up this morning and thought to myself, as I sat on the bed stretching languidly, "It's such a pain in the ass to have to wake up so early in the morning and teach brats for the rest of the day..." And so I shuffled my feet out of the house and made my way to my first hell hole.  *fast forward 2 hours later* When I was finally done with the first kid, I went to my favourite alfresco restaurant which in fact was just a coffeeshop downstairs to eat yong tau fu.  The very thought of toothsome food made my mouth watered.  The blase serving staff took my orders and within minutes, the ambrosial dishes were served.  The aromas waffed throughout the space, creating an enticing atmosphere that really whetted my appetite.  

Many hours later, when night has fallen, I met my beloved darling Joanna.  She was a cheerful and frivolous girl.  Her feisty and energetic self is one of the many reasons why I adored her so much after all these years.  We had beehoon goreng at our favourite prata place where we laughed uproariously over the bimbo moments of my girlfriend as she narrate her encounter with a supposedly hot guy on the bus earlier in the day.  We also nearly split our sides with the hysterical laughter.

It was an enjoyable day no doubt as I managed to spend it with my girlfriend.  But it took me more than 15 minutes to use those ridiculous words in two paragraphs.

-------------

I need to sleep.  Caught the flu bug from my China kid.  Not good.  CNY coming.  I painted my nails shocking red, hope it's traffic stopping enough.

Love!

This whole blogging thing just isn't going the way I want it to go... I used to think blogging no matter how insignificant the things i say, at the end of the day, they all make up my memories.  It's part of me, it's just my life.  But as we grow older, the secrets we have become darker.  Our feelings and words will have a greater impact on people than before, so much so that sometimes as much as I'm overwhelmed with emotions, wanting so badly to just let it all out here, I'd bite my tongue.  Because leaving an entry here would mean sharing it with everyone out there.  The entry would no longer be mine and god knows who's out there saving entries of mine which in future I may want to delete it, only to realise that someone else other than me has got the upper hand over me.  And so I thought perhaps the good ol' handwritten diary would be a better choice.  But no.  Sometimes I fear people chancing about my diary and there goes all my stuff.  Even if no one does see it, when I have to destroy everything in future, it's gonna be such a chore hence the least I write, the least I'd have to destroy.  It all accounts to me being lazy. 

Revision lecture timetable got planned today.  It's disgusting.  Worst than my normal days of school.  I need to jump over this hurdle to reach my greener pastures... Hurdle = exams.  Greener pastures = 4 months of sweet holidays.  

I'm feeling awfully upset for no rhyme or reason as well.  It's just weird.  blehx.

Maybe I should take my lappy to bed and watch a show or two.

Feels like JC all over again when you are taking sides, "forming alliances", harbouring animosity amongst each other albeit its subtlety.  sighs- Thought I left that behind when I left school and it's all happening again.  Possibly because it wasn't the environment in the first place, the problem lies with the people.  And sadly, some people are still there.  Habits don't change I guess.  Bad ones especially.  I'm sick of smiling at them and being nice despite knowing what they are doing behind our backs.  Yet as social actors, we are still obliged to act with decorum.  A bad seed planted in the group and the rest gets poisoned.  Vicious venom. 

I guess you probably didn't realise that I was in great distress when I told you about it.  By simply brushing me off in a hurry to join back your party for dinner.  sighs.

Am growing too fat.  I 'm gonna start starving myself soon.

Grah.  Exam periods are a pain.  You grow fat.  You get tired.  You feel stressed.  And you get guilty easily.  Been trying to tune back my body clock.  It's such a chore.  The body just feels so obstinate.  Just feel so exhausted every day.  In desperate need for retail therapy.  I want to shop.  I need to shop.  Freak freak freak.  There's econs test tomorrow.  And soci too.  I've prepared for none.  CrappyT_T

Haven't blogged in the longest time. Not counting the christmas entry. I believed I've lost most if not all of my blogging skills. No more regular updates. No more stupid funny moments to share. My lj is literally beyond dead after 2,667 entries in the span of eight years. What used to be my most visited website had been unfortunately taken over by facebook. And so the dry spell continues as I open my Post an Entry page, type in a sentence or two before closing it as I conclude that the day's musings ain't worth the publish. But no, I shan't delete this just yet. It's a long term relationship no matter what. Some of my best and worst moments have been recorded here and it should probably remain as it is until I decide to get rid of all my past before they come back to haunt me in time to come. That said, I'm still thinking where can I burn all my hand-written diaries without being charged for arson.

Nonetheless, 2010 is finally here. Reflections entry as always. 2009 was a really fast year. There were good times not to mention the really horrible times. Met really nice new people while at the same time wished I never had to meet yet another group of people. The scums. The dumbasses. The people who worked for a particular Company. The first half of the year was really awful. A pain to spend every single day facing and dealing with stupid people made up of lowly educated hooligans. Don't get me wrong, not everyone with little education equates to being a hooligan. It's just those people, dwelling too long in a shit environment eventually reduced to being pathetic people with pig brains. The second half was slightly better because school started and I finally got back to hanging out with people my age, doing things a regular teenager would do. Although there were some hiccups here and there because like I said, the past came back to haunt, the agony having to deal with it and suffering the consequences of past actions. How many times I felt so helpless or I couldn't find a way, two people stood firm by me, backing me up, constantly encouraging and assuring me that everything would be just fine. Thank you Jo and my dearest Mr Lu. I'm glad despite the shittiest year, I ended it on a right note. Happy, blissful albeit exhausted.

Am still counting my total expenditure for the year... The figure looks pretty daunting already... The only thing was that I spent an average of 300 bucks for meals every month and in the month of June I only spent 66 bucks. The stark difference thanks to my liquid diet. Okay. Amount calculated and I think I'm going to die. I spent more than 10k in the ONE FREAKING YEAR. No idea where the hell I get those money... Alrighty. Cutting short. For some reasons or other, I've been getting dizzy spells over the last couple of weeks... Damn hard to update. Crappy. Shall review the 101 list!

To do 101 Things in 1001 Days From January 1, 2009 to September 29, 2011

Health/Physical

1. Start using sunblock before I leave the house every day
2. Walk up the stairs everyday
3. At least 30 crunches a day
4. Do a 4.8km run at Bedok Reservoir
5. Take part in a marathon
6. Go rollerblading
7. Go ice-skating
8. Go rock-climbing
9. Go kayaking
10. Apply lip balm every night
11. Stop taking 4 panadols at one go
12. Avoid fast food for a week every month
13. Go without soft drinks for a month
14. Eat ice cream only once a month
15. Go without chips for a month
16. Stop depriving myself of sleep
17. Go to bed before midnight once a week
18. Slow down in life
19. Make my bed every morning





Entertainment

20. Support original, buy an original cd/dvd
21. Watch a movie in the cinemas at least once a month
22. Watch a play
23. Watch a concert
24. Try dining at 6 new restaurants (6/6)
25. Go on that bungee thing in Clarke quay
26. Attend a Christmas party after midnight mass
27. Go for countdown in 2010
28. Visit a flea market
29. Have a movie night
30. Get drunk
31. Get a brazilian
32. Go sun tanning
33. Have a primary school reunion
34. Do a cross stitch and complete it
35. Buy a lottery ticket on my own
36. Check out Haji Lane
37. Buy a Sudoku book and start doing
38. Sing at a karaoke
39. Discover 10 new musicians or bands



40. Finish reading one series of comics
41. Celebrate anniversary with baby(0/2)
42. Read TIME every week
43. Read the whole Twilight series
44. Spend an entire afternoon at a café to read a good book



Spiritual

45. Buy a spiritual book to read
46. Go to church on a day that is not Christmas



Finance

47. Continue keeping tabs on spendings
48. Save at least $1 a day
49. Put $100 into bank account every month
50. Buy something nice for gramps
51. Donate to charity at least once
52. Treat mom to dinner every pay day



Home

53. Learn how to wash the toilet
54. Learn to cook something new
55. Learn to do the laundry
56. Learn how to make brownies



Environment

57. Recycle papers and plastic boxes
58. Stop taking plastic/paper bags when I shop



Misc

59. Get a new cell phone
60. Remember all birthdays
61. Take a photo everyday
62. Keep a dream diary
63. Survive a week without swearing
64. Don’t ignore people when they talk to me online
65. Take my vitamins regularly
66. Bring out laundry from room
67. Open the curtains every morning
68. Find an interesting image/quote/poem etc and post it here every day(2/365)
69. Learn a new skill
70. Pick up guitar again
71. Visit Dempsey Road
72. Visit Holland V
73. Go prawning with baby
74. Donate blood
75. Ride a rollercoaster
76. Play mahjong for at least half the day
77. Dine at a french restaurant
78. Have a picnic at botanical gardens
79. Stick to an exercise regime for three weeks
80. Put moisturiser every week
81. Sign up for a scrapbook class
82. Stop buying cards and make my own for the rest of the year
83. Dine at My Secret Garden
84. Visit a musuem
85. Still be happily attached by sept 2011
86. Go on singapore flyer
87. Not curse for the whole week
88. Swim once a month
89. Make cheesecake
90. Bake cookies on my own
91. Go dragonboating
92. Visit an art gallery
93. Fly kite
94. Do a puzzle of 1000 pieces
95. Pack a lunch to school
96. Eat dessert at max brenner
97. Learn how to cook a fish
98. Complete The Mentalist season 1
99. Finish Chuck Season 1
100. Finish reading Pride and Prejudice and zombies
101. Finish reading blink.


Okay, I guess I'm pretty much done for my entry. Happy new year all!=D

Special note: Thank you dearest tingxin for that very sweet message left in my inbox. =)

Two inspirational quotes for 1 and 2 jan 2010

Where there is love, there is no darkness-Burundi Proverb
Only I can change my life, no one can do it for me-Carol Burnett

The worst christmas ever.

Spent the mornings sobbing and suffering from cramps in bed.

sighs.

My mother has been a bitch for the longest time. And oh wells. Couldn't really be bothered.

Been watching hell loads of movies to the extent of me being capable of giving insightful reviews to the current movies. Nearly the end of the year, gotta get into the student mode. Next week gonna have a primary school reunion. It's like my resolutions are all falling into place... And then there's OG xmas party cum baby's birthday. And then there's gonna be the family's xmas party. Have decided, screw it, I'm not going to go for christmas mass. I'm sorry. The mother is the pain.

Took up this two weeks lapdance class with mel. When I tell people about it, I get mixed feelings. There's the conservative type that says ee why you join this kind of thing... And then there's the other group that says whoa. you go girl. Am seriously considering pole dancing next year. I just have a thing for poles and bars. First I start to pull myself onto bars. Next year I hope to be able to swing from them hah!

So anyways, just a word of caution in case people want to watch Storm Warriors just cos they think part one was oh so fantastic. Part two is seriously crap. Everyone will be terribly scammed. There's no plot at all. Zilch. Complete waste of money. Even renting a dvd is a waste.

New moon was er... boring. Enough said.

Pick of the week: The Perfect Getaway. It's good. Really really. Maybe can try Case 39 too. Scare factor is there. Plot wise is also passable.

Hoping to train up for adidas sundown marathon. Then I can strike off one more thing off my list. Gotta train. Run baby run!

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again

You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I don't know what I want anymore.

Have you ever had that feeling where you feel crappy for days at end for no rhyme or reason? That you're so pent up inside that you want to let it all out, only to realise, what's there to let out? I just want to drink. Just want to party a little. Scream a little and let loose. I need my dose of emo songs. Broken hearts and torn up letters.

Just came back home from a very active week. I can't even feel my limbs right now. Started off with dodgeball on wed and thurs. It was fun dodging balls but not fun when you get smacked right in the boobs. Spent the next two days feeling achy all over especially from waist down. Then on sat, had our city venture. Exercised to the max. Running around singapore in our bagpacks and doing all sorts of stupid things. It was fun no doubt. Like having to stuff marshmallows in your mouth and trying to sing a song for your group mates to guess and doing maths sums under pressure and the list goes on. And after two days of racing, I'm just SHAGGED. Woke up this morning to really bad cramps. My face just turned pale and my hands cold and I literally just head dived into my mom's bed. Hate the feeling. Was literally struggling to get out to get some panadols to save me from my bloody misery. Grah.

Shall be meeting dear jo soon. Gotta start mugging!

It's been a tiring, fun, eventful and frustrating week(s).  Haven't been able to blog because I plugged my wire wrongly and was deprived of my life here.  Okay so the last I remembered was resting for an entire week from tuition.  Then went for this halloween event at some ulu place in the west with some of the OG peeps.  Quite fun actually despite the wet weather.  We had like an outdoor and indoor walk and my poor aldo pumps was subjected to the harsh conditions of the nature that I had to let it sit by my doorsteps ever since then.  Before that, bought our halloween props and were pretty much ready to do a little something but ended up we were all dead beat by 3am so we just left early. 

Painters came over on saturday.  And I got my pink walls.  I hope phy wouldn't mind setting foot into my room>.< Then on sunday, astons, movies, Coraline and My sister's keeper.  And basketball.  We broke our record again and it's currently 766.  No easy feat seriously.  I was like in tubetop and three inch heels! Anyways, Coraline was good.  Graphics were great.  The Sister's keeper, certain parts were a little too slow moving but overall I cried throughout. 

So for the last few days, because I couldn't satiate my hunger for the net, I had to make do with making love to century old old men like Karl Marx and Auguste Comte, Spencer and Parsons.  But as expected, too old.  I couldn't an orgasm.  Occasionally I thought I got it only to realise that no I know nuts.  Can't find the light.  It's like Weber's theory of the iron cage.  I can't think out of the box.  It's hard to keep reminding oneself to not absorb every theory like a freaking sponge but gosh it's hard. 

This morning, weary as I was. I welcomed the first man into my room.  He gave me back my internet which brighten up my morning a little bit because it was freaking 8,30am and I had gone to bed like only four hours ago.  And then I welcomed two more men in the later morning.  They gave me my bed and shelf and table.  It made my room looked different.  I'm sorry my words sound so wrong.  I've been socialised wrongly. 

Tuition today with the first kid was frustrating.  I hated the constant cigarette smoke and my patience just wore thin with this boy.  He couldn't pronounce THERE despite having me reciting it to him repeatedly and having him to repeat himself.  I wished I could jump down the building.  Then went off for the next tuition.  I think I stayed there for like 2hrs 15mins because the mom offered me a burger and then tried to keep me there for dinner. 
And now I'm here blogging to keep my mind functioning.  Have a hell load of packing to do.  Should get started now.  Photos of before and after SOON. 
Upcoming events this week: Massive cookout on sunday.  Grocery shopping on friday.  Excited. 

Happened to be at home... Decided to catch Singapore Idols.  The things I don't quite get about judges.  When you perform every week in the same way you always deliver your songs, they say they want to see a different side of you.  When you change your way of performing in one week, they say what happened to you? I prefer the usual you.  Don't try to be something that you're not.  The irony? But Gurmit's like the nice, encouraging host.  He tries his best to give a good comment even after all the judges give the contestant a negative feedback. 

That said, I'm sick.  Spent the whole day at home... My head just keeps spinning until I can't even study.  Can't even sit for long so I just end up sleeping all day long. 

Crappy.  blehx.

Oh god.  Pretty exhausted today.  Body's failing me lately... Kinda on the verge of being ill.  Either I caught it from sweets or I caught it from my kid and passed it to him.  Today, was supposed to be mugging hard for POA.  Ended up mom wanted me to get my furnitures so headed over to Ikea with her.  Bought all my furnitures, even have to pick them up by ourselves and dragged it all the way to the counter to pay off and move it to the delivery counter.  When we reached there, horrors of all horrors, they do delivery within 3 days and after 3days they charge you 5 bucks per trolley! So because painting only starts this weekend until next weekend, we would by right have to store our buys for nearly 2 weeks which is like 14 x 5? Do the maths, so not worth giving them free money.  End up, we refunded the goods on the spot, which means my afternoon was wasted when I could have actually studied something and that I have to go back there 2 weeks later to pick up all the furnitures again. 

Com is finally fixed.  So now internet on all three computers in the house.  Damn awesome.  Shall go bathe and get cracking with dearest POA. 

The day's been peaceful.  Taught a new kid.  Didn't like it because there were way too many smokers in there.  I was like inhaling second hand smoke for the whole 1.5 hours.  Fucking hell hate smokers.  Took half the pay and treated mom to dinner.  Bought a new dress as well.  Wonder why these days everywhere I go I see the mud on the ground rising.  Hate.

Painters coming next week.  I hope I can get my furniture by the following week.  Loads of stuff to do.  Damn busy.  

I realised that I went through a lot of drama this year.  Before school started, work sucked so badly that we went head on with the fucked up authorities.  And then my life just got into a crappier state after the jaw op.  The only good thing that happened was probably me getting rid of all the negative shit in my life because they do me no good.  Of no use to me.  Make me feel like shit and make me feel stupid.  Least after getting out of that whole fucked up environment in the Fish Tank and snipping off all the Weeds tangled around me, I'm finally seeing the light. 

I swear my uni days are gonna be the best days of my life.  The people there are nice, I'm getting along fine with my OG and most importantly, baby's been the best thing ever.  On top of that, I've been getting my weekly dose of jo's sweetness.  You two really are the stone hard pillars in my life at this point.  When shit happens, I always turn to you two.  Because no matter what, I know I'll never be judged by the both of you=)

Oh and possibly the other good thing that happened this year is my newly aligned jaw.  Hah.

Met up with clara for dinner tonight.  We ate at this jap restaurant at ION orchard.  The food was really awesome! It's like you put it in your mouth and you haven't even sink your teeth into it, you can already taste the goodness of it.  Damn shiok.  I miss this woman seriously.  Always MIA on me.  Went shopping with her thereafter.  Josie saw us.  He shouted my name in the middle of the mall and left-.- I actually thought I heard wrongly.  Went to meet dearest after that for some make me feel better therapy.  I've had a long day but seeing you just makes me feel safe.  That no matter what happens, I don't have to be afraid because you'll always be behind me. 

We don't need shit people in our lives to make us feel like shit.  In life, we all have choices.  If these people want to bring you down, it's your own choice to free yourself from them.  Getting upset with them would mean their goal have been achieved.  But from today onwards, I shan't let thrash bring me down.  What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.  And I'm not alone.  Tomorrow shall be a better day. 

Goodbye for good.  I'm leaving this shit to achieve better things in life.