Until I find a title that tells my story...

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 07:33:22 GMT

The worst christmas ever.

Spent the mornings sobbing and suffering from cramps in bed.

sighs.

Updates from the long forgotten.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:54:00 GMT

My mother has been a bitch for the longest time. And oh wells. Couldn't really be bothered.

Been watching hell loads of movies to the extent of me being capable of giving insightful reviews to the current movies. Nearly the end of the year, gotta get into the student mode. Next week gonna have a primary school reunion. It's like my resolutions are all falling into place... And then there's OG xmas party cum baby's birthday. And then there's gonna be the family's xmas party. Have decided, screw it, I'm not going to go for christmas mass. I'm sorry. The mother is the pain.

Took up this two weeks lapdance class with mel. When I tell people about it, I get mixed feelings. There's the conservative type that says ee why you join this kind of thing... And then there's the other group that says whoa. you go girl. Am seriously considering pole dancing next year. I just have a thing for poles and bars. First I start to pull myself onto bars. Next year I hope to be able to swing from them hah!

So anyways, just a word of caution in case people want to watch Storm Warriors just cos they think part one was oh so fantastic. Part two is seriously crap. Everyone will be terribly scammed. There's no plot at all. Zilch. Complete waste of money. Even renting a dvd is a waste.

New moon was er... boring. Enough said.

Pick of the week: The Perfect Getaway. It's good. Really really. Maybe can try Case 39 too. Scare factor is there. Plot wise is also passable.

Hoping to train up for adidas sundown marathon. Then I can strike off one more thing off my list. Gotta train. Run baby run!

I wanna run away, never say goodbye.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:26:41 GMT

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again

You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight

I don't know what I want anymore.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:34:04 GMT

Have you ever had that feeling where you feel crappy for days at end for no rhyme or reason? That you're so pent up inside that you want to let it all out, only to realise, what's there to let out? I just want to drink. Just want to party a little. Scream a little and let loose. I need my dose of emo songs. Broken hearts and torn up letters.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:39:36 GMT

Just came back home from a very active week. I can't even feel my limbs right now. Started off with dodgeball on wed and thurs. It was fun dodging balls but not fun when you get smacked right in the boobs. Spent the next two days feeling achy all over especially from waist down. Then on sat, had our city venture. Exercised to the max. Running around singapore in our bagpacks and doing all sorts of stupid things. It was fun no doubt. Like having to stuff marshmallows in your mouth and trying to sing a song for your group mates to guess and doing maths sums under pressure and the list goes on. And after two days of racing, I'm just SHAGGED. Woke up this morning to really bad cramps. My face just turned pale and my hands cold and I literally just head dived into my mom's bed. Hate the feeling. Was literally struggling to get out to get some panadols to save me from my bloody misery. Grah.

Shall be meeting dear jo soon. Gotta start mugging!

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:18:06 GMT

Hohoho I finished packing my room in TWO DAYS. Shall photo blog as promised. Gonna have some really unglam pics of jo. I still remember the night after we had supper, she came over and helped me pack my stuff. We had some really comical moments... Like she tried to pull an air guitar stunt and I was wondering why was she scratching one leg and half lifting the other. And then she sat on my floor drinking chrysanthemum tea and when she spilled some, she just sat there like a baby. Damn funny! So right now, all is packed cept for chest drawers which I seem to have serious problem fixing it and my two boxes of bags that can't fit into my room><

The living room became my storeroom and it was really jungle warfare.

My classic mickey. Jo wanted to take a photo of my take on Mickey's look. So cute.

Babester resting after clearing a hell load of rubbish from my shelves.

The cleared up bedroom just before I bid farewell to my good ol furniture.

New color, lollipop pink if I'm not wrong.

The piece of furniture that I so want that everything has to move around it. 9 years worth of junk that had been hiding behind cupboards are now out in the open.

The sleeping area

I know the sheets a little mismatched. But that's what happens when you desperately want to go to bed at 5am in the morning.

I hope I get a big fat red packet next year so that I can change my 19yr old tv set and myhi-fi.

The study area that I was determined to keep it as clean as possible for my work and crafts=D

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 17:48:44 GMT

It's been a tiring, fun, eventful and frustrating week(s). Haven't been able to blog because I plugged my wire wrongly and was deprived of my life here. Okay so the last I remembered was resting for an entire week from tuition. Then went for this halloween event at some ulu place in the west with some of the OG peeps. Quite fun actually despite the wet weather. We had like an outdoor and indoor walk and my poor aldo pumps was subjected to the harsh conditions of the nature that I had to let it sit by my doorsteps ever since then. Before that, bought our halloween props and were pretty much ready to do a little something but ended up we were all dead beat by 3am so we just left early.

Painters came over on saturday. And I got my pink walls. I hope phy wouldn't mind setting foot into my room>.< Then on sunday, astons, movies, Coraline and My sister's keeper. And basketball. We broke our record again and it's currently 766. No easy feat seriously. I was like in tubetop and three inch heels! Anyways, Coraline was good. Graphics were great. The Sister's keeper, certain parts were a little too slow moving but overall I cried throughout.

So for the last few days, because I couldn't satiate my hunger for the net, I had to make do with making love to century old old men like Karl Marx and Auguste Comte, Spencer and Parsons. But as expected, too old. I couldn't an orgasm. Occasionally I thought I got it only to realise that no I know nuts. Can't find the light. It's like Weber's theory of the iron cage. I can't think out of the box. It's hard to keep reminding oneself to not absorb every theory like a freaking sponge but gosh it's hard.

This morning, weary as I was. I welcomed the first man into my room. He gave me back my internet which brighten up my morning a little bit because it was freaking 8,30am and I had gone to bed like only four hours ago. And then I welcomed two more men in the later morning. They gave me my bed and shelf and table. It made my room looked different. I'm sorry my words sound so wrong. I've been socialised wrongly.

Tuition today with the first kid was frustrating. I hated the constant cigarette smoke and my patience just wore thin with this boy. He couldn't pronounce THERE despite having me reciting it to him repeatedly and having him to repeat himself. I wished I could jump down the building. Then went off for the next tuition. I think I stayed there for like 2hrs 15mins because the mom offered me a burger and then tried to keep me there for dinner.
And now I'm here blogging to keep my mind functioning. Have a hell load of packing to do. Should get started now. Photos of before and after SOON.
Upcoming events this week: Massive cookout on sunday. Grocery shopping on friday. Excited.

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:36:48 GMT

Happened to be at home... Decided to catch Singapore Idols. The things I don't quite get about judges. When you perform every week in the same way you always deliver your songs, they say they want to see a different side of you. When you change your way of performing in one week, they say what happened to you? I prefer the usual you. Don't try to be something that you're not. The irony? But Gurmit's like the nice, encouraging host. He tries his best to give a good comment even after all the judges give the contestant a negative feedback.

That said, I'm sick. Spent the whole day at home... My head just keeps spinning until I can't even study. Can't even sit for long so I just end up sleeping all day long.

Crappy. blehx.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:39:31 GMT

Had a really fun day today.

Slept for three hours before going to school.

Had a POA test. Good thing was no maths lecture after that.

OG lunch at ngee ann poly before gate crashing their library as well.

Dinner with the remaining OG peeps at the casual jap restaurant.

Played bball at PS arcade again. New high score with sweets damn shiok haha.

Super entertaining ride back home. We were discussing our day for a mass cook-out session. Photos indefinitely.

Am typing without my specs. I can't even see what's on the screen-.-

Cough gets worse at night. Bugger. Shall turn in soon. Tuition tomorrow at the dreaded new kid place.

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:09:31 GMT

Oh god. Pretty exhausted today. Body's failing me lately... Kinda on the verge of being ill. Either I caught it from sweets or I caught it from my kid and passed it to him. Today, was supposed to be mugging hard for POA. Ended up mom wanted me to get my furnitures so headed over to Ikea with her. Bought all my furnitures, even have to pick them up by ourselves and dragged it all the way to the counter to pay off and move it to the delivery counter. When we reached there, horrors of all horrors, they do delivery within 3 days and after 3days they charge you 5 bucks per trolley! So because painting only starts this weekend until next weekend, we would by right have to store our buys for nearly 2 weeks which is like 14 x 5? Do the maths, so not worth giving them free money. End up, we refunded the goods on the spot, which means my afternoon was wasted when I could have actually studied something and that I have to go back there 2 weeks later to pick up all the furnitures again.

Com is finally fixed. So now internet on all three computers in the house. Damn awesome. Shall go bathe and get cracking with dearest POA.

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:03:16 GMT

The day's been peaceful. Taught a new kid. Didn't like it because there were way too many smokers in there. I was like inhaling second hand smoke for the whole 1.5 hours. Fucking hell hate smokers. Took half the pay and treated mom to dinner. Bought a new dress as well. Wonder why these days everywhere I go I see the mud on the ground rising. Hate.

Painters coming next week. I hope I can get my furniture by the following week. Loads of stuff to do. Damn busy.

March on.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:42:37 GMT

I realised that I went through a lot of drama this year. Before school started, work sucked so badly that we went head on with the fucked up authorities. And then my life just got into a crappier state after the jaw op. The only good thing that happened was probably me getting rid of all the negative shit in my life because they do me no good. Of no use to me. Make me feel like shit and make me feel stupid. Least after getting out of that whole fucked up environment in the Fish Tank and snipping off all the Weeds tangled around me, I'm finally seeing the light.

I swear my uni days are gonna be the best days of my life. The people there are nice, I'm getting along fine with my OG and most importantly, baby's been the best thing ever. On top of that, I've been getting my weekly dose of jo's sweetness. You two really are the stone hard pillars in my life at this point. When shit happens, I always turn to you two. Because no matter what, I know I'll never be judged by the both of you=)

Oh and possibly the other good thing that happened this year is my newly aligned jaw. Hah.

Met up with clara for dinner tonight. We ate at this jap restaurant at ION orchard. The food was really awesome! It's like you put it in your mouth and you haven't even sink your teeth into it, you can already taste the goodness of it. Damn shiok. I miss this woman seriously. Always MIA on me. Went shopping with her thereafter. Josie saw us. He shouted my name in the middle of the mall and left-.- I actually thought I heard wrongly. Went to meet dearest after that for some make me feel better therapy. I've had a long day but seeing you just makes me feel safe. That no matter what happens, I don't have to be afraid because you'll always be behind me.

We don't need shit people in our lives to make us feel like shit. In life, we all have choices. If these people want to bring you down, it's your own choice to free yourself from them. Getting upset with them would mean their goal have been achieved. But from today onwards, I shan't let thrash bring me down. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger. And I'm not alone. Tomorrow shall be a better day.

Goodbye for good. I'm leaving this shit to achieve better things in life.

Hello you:)

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:20:06 GMT

Ho huum... Did I manage to kill you with my insensitive words? Like finally? Geez. I don't even need to resort to such curt and drastic words for an average person to get the hint and BACK OFF. I take my hat off to you honestly because it took what? A month? Or nearly two for you to fully comprehend the full meaning of an irritant? Don't blame me for being so brutal with my words. I tried my best to be as civil as I could. Giving you subtle hints hoping that you would catch it and quit being the pain in the ass.  But as always, subtleties don't work with dense people. Their skulls are so darn thick, either it's hollow inside or clouded with smoke. Either ways, it's a good trait! Least dense people don't get their feelings hurt easily because they can't catch it.

Oh, and I'm glad you're happy for being nice. I'm happy to read your emails too. They are such a joy to read. Though I must admit that I cringe as I read your every sentence because they are often so...grammatically incorrect. Maybe you ought to take up some English lessons with me.  And since when we promised anything? You forgot? You're not one who make promises so where did that sweeping statement come from? Muddle-headed as usual.  You see? You've been inhaling too much smoke. It damages your brain cells. Oh wait, have you got any in the first place? Whatever lose-lose situation that you're implying, that's probably the only thing in the entire email that made sense. I lost because right now I have to clear the shit crap that you left behind when I kicked you out.  Oh one more thing, when you say "Hate me while you can..." Does that mean that you're gonna die soon=D

And as always, after every conversation I have with you, I'll ask my friend, why do stupid people exist. And here's the last line for you before you're left with nothing else to read.

Stupid people exist so that you can tell who the smart ones are. You're the dirt on my shoe. The pain in my ass. And the fucktart of the century.

Gosh, I really Love you.

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 21:46:29 GMT

Jo's right. You're seriously the bane of my existance. I thought past conversations have given you a god damn clear idea that I don't want to talk to you ever again. Oh wait, are you armed with a dictionary every time I converse with you? You honestly leave me with no choice but to tell you in plain simple terms, just FUCK OFF. I'm not your fucking friend. I don't ever want to have anything to do with you. Don't make me list out the reasons why I abhor you so damn much. Asking for it. Now I completely understand the meaning stay in the grave and don't ever get up again. I'll personally take the shovel and bury you deep in the ground. And you're gonna take it in the literal sense thinking that I'm gonna kill you but no silly... I meant it like figuratively rather than literally. I'm generally nice, but because you've done serious shit, I just don't want you in my life. Not one single bit.

The gravest mistake of my entire life. You have the honour dude.

Okay. Enough about the INsignificant other. Photoblog real soon. House is in a mess. Room revamp in the works. Gonna hit the books before hitting the sack.

Dear lord, why can't the koran reading, pork hater that reeks of disgusting cigarette smell leave me alone.

THANK YOU VIRTUAL Friend.

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:47:24 GMT

Oh wow... So now I should be glad that you sent me that email? Because it's my HONOUR that you appreciate me? Er ok. Thank you. And you still want to be my friend in email and in hp? Virtual friend ar? Sorry. I don't entertain virtual friends.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:56:04 GMT

I'm losing the art of giving good advice. I've been so self-absorbed over the last few years that I completely stop listening and just can't stop talking about me, myself, and I. My life, my pet, my school, my work and whatever shit that relates to just me. So much so that when I suddenly try to be a real friend, I find myself struggling real badly to give my miserable two cents worth of thoughts which usually amounts to nothing more than just bullshit.

Die gwen die. You're so darn shallow.

But thank god for friends that never fail to be there for me no matter how shit a person I am.

Traumatised for life.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 19:29:42 GMT

I just had the most traumatising experience just now at the usual prata placeTT_TT Was happily chitchatting with jo when I felt something flew onto my hair and it was of a significant weight... And before I could ask jo what was it, her expression changed. Turned out to be cockroach... Was like flinging my hair like some crazy ass and in the end had to fling off my two hairbands... It was fucking big and all my dear friend could say was "Okay la... At least the cockroach looks clean". Gross TO THE MAX. Best of all, come back home go toilet, come out, got one small cockroach waiting for me at the door... Seriously. Good things don't come in pairs but bad things just keep coming. I'll never go back there again.

T_T

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:52:48 GMT

The other day I had the longest day ever. Started off with 3 hours of sleep. Then travelling from home to clementi for school. Surviving two three hour lectures. Then going over to jurong point to shop for children day gifts. Followed by a disgusting TWO HOUR bus ride from boon lay to eunos. Then one half hour of tuition at bedok and another train ride back to clementi because I left behind my file. And then another hour journey back to tampines to meet dearest jo for supper. Try travelling from one end of singapore to the other four times in a day. No joke seriously.

Today, started the day with treats for myself. Went shopping and I finally bought my ultimate cute skirt which I've been eyeing on since july. Told jo the other time that if I came back next month and it's still there then I'd buy it. But well, I came back three months later and it's still there so I was fated to buy it=D Bought an entire series of retrolicious paper too. Very old school and super cute. Can't wait to use them seriously.

Started my tuition with another new kid today. P2 boy. He talks in such a cute way I couldn't help it but to decide to buy him a children's day present too. Very obedient and quiet too. Way easier to handle. Did like every single thing about english with him and he just obediently does it for me. One of the cloze passage he did was super funny though.

I dislike going to the doctor. He puts his icy cold THROAT against my chest. Sticks an ice cream stick down my LOLLIPOP. And gave me a STETHOSCOPE for my good behaviour.

I was trying hard not to laugh at his mistake. Wonder if all primary school teachers feel the same way when they mark their kids' scripts.

Am starting to get the hang of teaching. Motivated by money. Feels good to have extra income.

Hope mom is generous enough with my furniture. Have decided to paint my room candy pink. And hoping to change the bed, a new tv console and a brand new shelving unit.

Been playing maple as well. Hooked onto private server. Awesome sweetness.

One more day.

Asking for it.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:29:57 GMT

If there's anything you did right today, it's the fact that you made me god damn fucking sure that I made the correct choice. I didn't know you would stooped so low. Emotional blackmail. What were you thinking? Stir up whatever feelings you thought would salvage the situation? It's not working. You just made me lose whatever remaining respect I have for you. But then again, thank you. Because of what you did, I think it sped up the decision to get rid of every single thing I have that will remind me of you. Why can't you just leave things to be as they were? What memories? You ruined them all and right now, I just want to clear them all up.

Sure, maybe you did try your best. But I said, we each have our different needs and preferences. And somehow, things just don't work out. I hate to be stuck in the rut. I hate the feeling of spelling every single thing right out in your face and still you don't get it. I hate being mean yet I know if my words don't sting, you'd be completely missing the point. Sure, I'd be damn in hell for being such a bitch to you but seriously, everything was just a mistake. I tried. I accomodated. But I'm sorry. If I can't salvage the situation, I might as well abandon the sinking ship and in this case, the ship happens to be you. I cannot tolerate the fact that you pollute the air around me. That's something I can never live with. I cannot stand the fact that I have to leave so many things unsaid because you'll never understand what I'm trying to say. I cannot believe whatever you're believing because it's too warped and no way am I going to subject my entire family to it. And yes, on top of that, I cannot be with someone who says "see how, it's still early, i don't make promises and don't place your hopes on me". Don't waste my time. Don't waste my feelings. And don't say I didn't give you any chances. I tried so hard, pre-warned you. Warned you. Told you what were the issues. You didn't want to address it. And when I finally detach myself from the entire relationship, you come running back to me telling me I didn't give you a chance to make things right? After your last email, don't even think about it. I don't want to have anything else to do with you.

I'm not changing my mind. What's over is over. You've been AXED out of my list of people that I want to keep in close contact with.

Refer to daughtry's No Surprise for my current mood.

And lastly, the day I thought I never get through, I got over you.

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 17:12:06 GMT

Whiteout was a complete wipeout. I fell asleep for the last 3 mins of the show. Kate beckinsale was still as hot but the plot just wasn't as good as I expected it to be.

Spent like 5 bucks at the arcade just now with my friend playing that basketball game. Damn fun. Play until we were on the last dollar, trying desperately to beat our own record of 600 points and just when I thought we're not gonna make it, we hit jackpot. I literally jumped for joy. Damn cheap thrills but fun haha. Dinner at sunshine plaza... Whacked my favourite wanton mee. Shiokness to the max.

Last night, rebel-ed with Jo and twinnie. It was jam packed and I was cash strapped so I drank so little that I couldn't get high=( I'm too lazy for details. Technology makes people lazy. Want to know the story, view fb.

Alrighty. Back to commenting.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:49:03 GMT

sighs- I guess Nike Human Race and me is just not meant to be=( Two years back when I signed up for it along with some of the SR peeps, my registration got screwed somewhere along the way and ended up I couldn't go. This year, I wanted to sign up, mom decided to be anal and didn't help me... So now, with money in my bank account, ready to register, guess what? Registration close. I'm so going to sit in one corner and mope about my bad luck=(

Maybe it's just due to the fact that I'm tired. I'm feeling cranky. People are irritating the shit out of me. On top of that, workload is seriously piling. I spent literally the entire afternoon sitting in the library wrecking my brains with maths. It was A levels all over again. And the frustrations just keep mounting on when you've done literally a page full of workings only to know that your answer is wrong and you have no god damn clue what went wrong exactly. I suddenly miss guanyin very very much. POA is starting to get tricky. Econs is still as shitty as ever. I'll never be able to walk out of my own shadow. The fear of failing econs AGAIN, and repeating it AGAIN next year is quite daunting. On top of that, there's socio which is oh so supposed to be easiest but I'm putting it off because the text is freaking long and boring and I have to finish the rest of my assignments.

Please kill me please kill me please kill me.

I need to go meditate in my own cave.

sighs-

Innocence of kids.

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 18:45:29 GMT

So on monday I had tuition with one of my kids. We had a rather funny conversation involving a pimple on my neck.

Girl: *points at my pimple* what's that?
Me: it's a pimple
Girl: what's a pimple?
Me: it's something you'll get when you're older
Girl: *looks at me all confused.* but you're not old what...
Me: But I'm older than you.
Girl: Is it nice?
Me: pimple where got nice one???
Girl: *takes my hair and wrap it around my neck* then cover la.. so cannot see you old.

I nearly burst out laughing. Damn cute seriously. My dear girl.

I still stand by my point. It's absolutely bulls. Self-delusional and hypocritical.

What's the point of making amendments later on knowing that what you've committed is wrong in the first place? It's like saying I've killed someone but that's fine because before I die, I'll pray and seek forgiveness and all is well and I shall go to heaven.

A complete mockery.

Oh yea. I've got a crush. Because as long as I got eyes, I'll have a sight for you. No wait, I've got crushes. Like Eric Bana, Tatum channing, Wentworth Miller for a start. As long as they are bald, tall, muscular, squared-jaw, I like them all. How's that for a crush?

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 13:05:03 GMT

Mom's being fucking anal.

All your god damn fault. Because of you,

Was wondering, if right now it's the fasting month for the muslims and they fast to clense themselves from the sins... Does that mean they can't smoke during the time that they don't eat as well? Because if they don't then isn't there a double standard already?

Watching edward scissorhand. He gave me nightmares when I saw him on tv when I was just three. And now I'm facing my nightmare. Hurr.

I'm sorry I have a strong sense of self-identity and I fucking hate uniformity when I'm not in school.

Pissed off to the fucking max.

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:46:33 GMT

Nose blocked to the max.

Am tired.

I've waited far too long tonight.

Shall turn in.

Heroes S2Ep7.

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:36:43 GMT

Went to watch the time traveller's wife at GV GOLD CLASS. courtesy of dear karen... damn shiok la... got blanket some more then the chair so comfy... fell asleep at the start. woke up when the story got interesting and gosh. i criedT_T Eric bana was freaking hot too. =/

Havent shopped in MONTHS. Saw stuff at mango, zara, and river island, aldo that I want. Want to go geylang sell dimsum.

Too tired to blog.

Got to exercise.